Six Nineteen

INNER CHILD

I’m screaming for help but no one’s hearing my cry
Someone’s pulling me down and I just have no clue why
I feel my Inner child being taken away from me
This is sudden change in my life, I can’t bare to believe
Now do you really love me, or was that part of the plan?
So you can open my legs & tell your boys “you’re the man”
But my body is a temple and it takes more than your dick to knock it down
So you can call me what you want but I’m still wearing my crown
Now you think you’re the man but to me you’re still a kid
Learn the value of a woman before you try to get her in bed.

I remember the point in my life when I wrote this poem, as if it were yesterday.  It was the day I lost my virginity. The day where I no longer felt the innocence a child should feel because I had just committed an act only an adult could truly understand. The day I felt like the shield of protection placed over me had been removed. The day I realized I couldn’t go back to the little girl whose most challenging decision was what to eat for lunch each day, or what popsicle flavor was my favorite. No one knew the inner child that had longed to be saved because I kept my feelings bottled in. I was quiet, shy, insecure, uncertain and I felt out of place everywhere I went. I didn’t know who I was or what it would take to find myself but I knew one thing for certain…I was a Queen. This was because my mom was, and still remains, a Queen . Although I didn’t really express many of my feelings to my mother at the time, I watched her and the way she moved about. The way she held her head high, the way she carried herself, the strength she had and the battles she fought through & survived. Her value was something that ensured me that I too must have some inherited worth. In addition to that, I happened to attend church with my mother one Sunday not long after I lost my virginity (she had no knowledge of this change) and although I don’t remember the sermon in its entirety, I do remember the pastor referring to our bodies as being a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you (1 Corinthians 6:19). It was the combination of both that helped me to understand at such a young age that although I was lost and “screaming for help” that my cries were indeed being heard, which gave me the courage to STAND TALL with my HEAD HIGH despite the first battle I had recently endured. It was time to be strong in the midst of my own shame that I felt. I felt a sense of protection knowing that I would survive. It prepared me for many more challenges that were to come including becoming a mother to a beautiful girl who just so happened to be born June 19th. Six Nineteen.

Remind yourself:

When you’re lost and or feel ashamed about something you have done recharge yourself through others who may have a positive influence on your journey. We ALL make mistakes but remember how your mistakes have prepared you and strengthened you. There’s always going to be confirmation that where you are in life is right where you’re supposed to be in that moment. Just take time to look and listen a little more closely….

#observantQueen